/ February 18, 2012

Suatu ketika Albert Einstein menulis surat kepada “Sigmund Freud” prihal menanyakan pendapatnya; ‘apa yang dapat dilakukan manusia agar terhindar dari kutukan peperangan?’. Sebagai ahli ilmu jiwa, Freud menjelaskan dalam surat esainya yang terkenal – “Mengapa Perang?”. Freud menguraikan tentang adanya dua insting pokok manusia, yakni insting cinta dan insting benci. Insting cinta itu dan mencintai sesamanya, hal ini mengandaikan adanya kepedulian terhadap hidup orang lain, keselamatan, kesejahteraan dan kebahagiaan orang lain. Tapi insting ini juga sekaligus membawa insting kebencian apabila sikap cinta kasihnya terhadap orang lain disertai dengan “niat memiliki” yang dicintainya itu. Dengan itikad memiliki maka terjadilah penguasa, kolonialisme, diktator dari si pecinta kepada yang dicintai.

Pokok pemikiran semacam itu dapat kita lihat dalam praktisi sehari-hari. – Misalnya, orang tua yang mengatakan dirinya sangat mencintai anak-anaknya, seringkali berubah menjadi diktator orangtua terhadap anak. Orangtua ingin membentuk anak menurut kemauannya sendiri. Anak harus menjadi seorang akademis agar hidupnya kelak kecukupan dan bahagia, meskipun si anak ngotot mau masuk fakultas sastra. Lalu, kebahagiaan siapakah yang ingin diwujudkan? Kebahagiaan orangtua atau kebahagiaan anak?

Seperti yang disampaikan oleh Freud, bahwa naluri cinta itu berubah menjadi benci disertai nafsu memiliki, yaitu dijadikan bagian kepentingan dirinya sendiri. Pemikiran ini dikembangkan oleh Erich Fromm dalam bukunya yang terkenal, “Memiliki dan Menjadi”.  Cara hidup “memiliki” adalah naluri cinta yang berakhir dengan penderitaan, kerusakan, kebinasaan dan kematian dari yang dicintai. Cara hidup “menjadi” inilah hakikat cinta manusia yang sesungguhnya. Kita mencintai seseorang bukan demi kepentingan semata-mata, tetapi demi yang kita cintai agar tumbuh berkembang mencapai kebahagiaannya sendiri.

Dalam cara mencintai dan cara hidup ini, maka harus ada yang menjadi korban kepemilikan. Anak menjadi ambisi orangtua, siapakah yang sebenarnya bahagia? Ketika orangtua mencintai anak-anaknya justru kerena sadar bahwa mereka adalah manusia dengan karakter dan bercita-cita lain dengan orangtuanya. Kewajiban cinta orangtua pada mereka adalah membantu “mewujudkan” apa yang diinginkan.

Surat Einstein kepada Freud memang menyangkut perang dan penderitaan serta kemungkinan lenyapnya spesies yang bernama manusia akibat perang di muka bumi ini. Konflik kepentingan, agresi, permusnahan adalah naluri kebencian manusia. Seperti cinta, manusia juga harus mengenal, memahami, dan merasakan akibat kebenciannya terhadap orang lain.

Jadi, mencintai sesama itu tidaklah mudah! Lebih mudah ditulis dan dianalisis dari pada dijalankan. Sebab cinta itu merupakan perbuatan nyata. Dan perbuatan itu baru ada, jika ada si pecinta dan yang dicintai.

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